There are two sides to every story but the perpetrator of Emotional Abuse wants you to forget that.

What people see happen in public between an abuser and their victim is what the perpetrator wants their “audience” to buy into. The “audience” is intentionally mislead and left assuming what the perpetrator meant for them to “assume”. The other side of the story is about the private world that exists between the abuser and their victim that the perpetrator here does not wish for anyone to discover. Both worlds are being controlled by the perpetrator and in both worlds the perpetrator is “playing” to the “audience”. Also, both the victim and the “audience” are unwilling participants in the perpetrator’s staged drama of events and are therefore absolutely defenseless against the manner in which they are being handled by the perpetrator.

What is also unbeknownst to everyone is that the perpetrator can’t manipulate or control any of these situations unless they have personal knowledge of the victim and the people in the victim’s life. The perpetrator needs information about the victim and constant feedback about them and the people in their lives in order to stage those public events or manipulate people in and around the victim. They cannot do this effectively without either. The information gives them the ability to know how the victim can be controlled and the feedback is what the abuser needs to make it believable. The feedback is information on what effect their manipulations have had on the victim, the “audience” and/or other targets or intended victims and whether they still have control over the situation.

Therefore, the importance of feedback is threefold:

  1. It feeds the abuser’s ego. They get a “high” when they see the results of their manipulations. They enjoy seeing people in utter confusion and in emotional pain over what they have done. It means they are still in control. In the outside world, they don’t feel that they measure up, but in this fabricated world they are king/queen and they can do anything they want to. No one can stop them because no one knows the truth.
  2. The feedback together with the other information the abuser collects and keeps to them gives them a feeling of “higher” intelligence. In other words, what they know and others don’t know makes them feel superior to others. This makes up for everything that makes them feel insecure, small and irrelevant.
  3. Feedback is necessary so that the abuser can use the information to fabricate other lies to go with the lies they’ve already told. They need to see what happened to their victim, they need to see their reactions to what they did in order to be able to take it to the next level. If they don’t receive information, the perpetrator is not able to create any more believable lies nor are they able to fabricate anymore believable stories. They know that they need real facts and real feelings to come up with new “material”. They are not creative enough to invent facts, stories, tricks or lies if they are not in the “loop”. Not being in the loop means that they are not the centre of attention and in control and it causes them deflate and they lose their feeling of superiority.

Emotional Abuse isn’t readily reported, and because it is hard to prove, is essentially a silent epidemic that many learn to endure. My book “The Detrimental Effects of Emotional Abuse” exposes the perpetrator of Emotional Abuse for who they are. In order to understand how anyone can easily become a victim of spousal abuse or elder abuse, one must first understand what Emotional Abuse is.