Are you watching someone, like your brother or sister, cut you off from your mother or father, and you’re being accused of wanting to steal their money? And everyone you seem to try to appeal to seems to shun you – even your own family? Then it could be that you’re one of those millions who is also a victim of Elder Abuse.
When dealing with the domestic crime of Elder Abuse, we’re dealing with elders who are usually being conned and/or are physically trapped in their own homes by another who means them harm, usually by one of their adult children. They’re in no position to help themselves. And the person committing the crime wants to remain under the radar, so they will do anything and use anyone to conceal their identity and their crime.
Without realizing it or meaning to, a lot of hope, by every level of the community, is being placed on the wrong person, the elder, to step up and ask for help. In reality, what’s escaping notice is that the elder is actually being used to perpetuate the crime. Yes. But it’s not seen that way, unfortunately, to the detriment of the elder.
And, while this is happening, the voices of family members, friends of an elder, or anyone who strongly believe that an elder is in trouble are being beaten back and ignored when they’re trying to get help for their elder. How so?
In reality, Elder Abuse is about more than just one victim – the elder. It’s much more convoluted than that. It’s actually more about Emotional Abuse. And being so, it means a different set of indicators should be used to detect signs of the crime.
Have you been cut off from your family?
- Did you find out your estranged sister comes home and sells the family home and takes your parents to another city? You try to see your parents but your sister tells you they refuse to see you. You aren’t even allowed to talk to them. OR…
Did you find out your brother is trying to get limited Power of Attorney on your parent’s bank accounts? He’s told a lie to the bank to get this. You ask to speak to the bank manager. Your request is declined. They have decided that since they’ve spoken to your mother, that they merely want to limit the contact to her and your brother. You express your concerns to the person on the phone, but again you are dismissed. Your brother now has control over your mother’s bank card, her bank account and no longer permits your mother to go the bank to do her banking but the bank doesn’t know this and won’t hear your concerns. OR…
- Did you go home to see your mother? The door is locked. You are told by your mother’s neighbor who comes to the door that you aren’t allowed near your mother. They’re standing in the way. He’s telling you that she doesn’t want to speak to you. You call the police. The police investigate by questioning you and questioning you with the neighbor standing beside her. The police end up believing you’re causing problems. The police leave. Your mother shuts the door on you. You have to leave too. You don’t know what to do.
What’s happened? Lots. Someone has moved in on your mother/father and they have shut you out now. You can’t get to your mom or dad anymore, no matter what you try to do or who you call in to help you. So, again…what’s happened?
Emotional Abuse and Emotional Elder Abuse are not just about yelling and bullying. It’s about someone knowing how to get people to cede their power to the offender without being aware that they are doing so.
Offenders know how to play people in a way that they won’t encounter any objections and will most times avoid all accountability if caught. And they all use the same strategy to do so.
Did You Know…
Are you finding yourself outmatched by the person that is harming your mother or father?
Are you finding yourself cut off from not only their parent but from the rest of their family as well, as you watch your brother or sister outwitting you every time you try to talk to your family or get help from someone in authority?
Usually, the ones who are very finding themselves cut off, are very vulnerable to PTSD, bi-polar disorders, migraines, depression, or abandonment issues. In the end, they themselves are unable to help even themselves.
This is how the perpetrators of this crime get away with what they do.
Are you trying to help your elder who is in trouble?
Are you trying to understand what is happening in that home where the elder lives? Are you trying to gain some understanding of how this has happened to you, or some sense of why the elder has chosen not to report the crime?
Knowledge, awareness are key…
Know how to interpret the offenders behavior and understand how they get control over their victim.
Educating yourself here will lead you to understand your loved one better, who is trapped in an abusive relationship with their spouse or son/daughter.
Know that these types of relationships just get worse and worse as time goes by, with one person is being abusive but hasn’t made any demands or moves that look like they’re controlling the other person…but they are. And the other person ends up lonely, sad, hurt, unsupported and insecure.
The signs of an offender of Emotional Abuse and Emotional Elder Abuse are there and the ways offenders do it are plain as day to see, if one is aware.
Learn to identify the situation for what it is and know how to manage it, if not end it all together.
There is a difference between healthy and abusive relationships. Not being able to identify the latter could be the first mistake that will be made that will mask any other clues that can be used as strong indicators that the situation is not what it seems to be.
Author of “The Detrimental Effects of Emotional Abuse: How Emotional Abuse and Emotional Elder Abuse Destroys Us All”, Krumins is the foremost expert on Emotional Abuse and has over 15+ years field and case management experience of domestic violence situations involving Emotional Abuse and Emotional Elder Abuse. Read more….
What are the signs?
10 signs that your family are being victimized:
- Have conflicts become the norm in your family? Is someone constantly causing conflicts?
Is someone trying to draw you into conflict with another for them? Are they asking you to fight their battles for them? Or are they encouraging you to give them someone the “silent treatment” to teach them a lesson?
Is there a feeling someone is intentionally causing trouble for you or someone in your group?
How well do you know the person who seems to know everyone and everything that is going on? Less or more than the person they are targeting now with puzzling or hurtful accusations or criticism? Have you ever witnessed any of what you’re being told has happened?
Is someone’s integrity being questioned over another’s without question?
- Are things being discussed openly or behind people’s backs, secretly and in confidence?
- Is someone constantly deflecting blame onto others without answering any questions themselves?
- Are all sides of the story being heard when conflict arises? Is the same someone being shouted over constantly by others?
- Is someone turning everything positive into a negative about someone, trying to poison your relationship with this person?
- Is someone seemingly obsessed in always discussing someone, what they know about them or what they’ve heard or what they’ve said or done in their presence, but no one else’s? Are they only accusing others in general terms all of the time about others or a particular person and saying they’ve been offended or hurt by this person?