At best, it’s believed to be something best left to the family to sort out – a seemingly toxic environment where there are hostile shouting matches popping up between family members that no one wants to get involved with or can deal with – not the family and certainly, not First Responders, nor anyone else in the community.
But the harsh reality is that it is a crime that is artfully disguised by the perpetrators, our brothers, sons, daughters, nieces, etc. as sibling rivalry or a dysfunctional family. To the great satisfaction of the perpetrators, it’s just part of their strategy that perpetrators use to ward off anyone who gets too close to helping the elder. In the end, nasty things like family disputes are used to “cover-up” the crimes against the elders.
Because these incidences are being misread as family disputes, they are being dismissed, to the detriment of the elder. That’s the way perpetrators are able to keep this crime under everyone’s radar. Read more…
While this is happening, clues are being missed and the real truth is being artfully buried by the manipulators. Moreover, without realizing it, the wrong assumptions are being made and those in a position to help are unknowingly relying on the wrong kind of evidence or proof that a crime is being committed.
As such, “Elder Abuse” is really more convoluted than just being about yelling and beating up on a senior. Its a misnomer. It’s really about how this crime starts out as Emotional Abuse, a case of deceit and betrayal, and, given the opportunity, can escalate into much more serious levels of abuse involving so many others that are also taken advantage of and cunningly victimized.
We can be our own worst enemies when it comes to giving an offender the opportunity to manipulate and drive a wedge between us and our loved one AND take control over things, bit by bit.
i.e. “She said she’s too busy to come to see you.”
i.e. “She’s not well today. She’s asked me to stay with her.”
Neither of this statements were truthful but both misled the listener into believing something else.
In both cases the offender managed to get what they wanted – they barred the person from seeing the elder – their mom/dad.
The offender, whether it be your brother or your mom’s/dad’s caregiver, knows how to manipulate situations and toy with people enough to create opportunities where they can get closer to the elder while they push everyone else away from the elder. It’s just a snowball effect that happens where just over a short period of time, these perpetrators move in on the elder very quickly.
There are always signs to tell you if something is not on the up and up. If you don’t know what to watch out for, it’ll only get worse for them as well as for you.
And that’s what Emotional Elder Abuse is all about.