Emotional Elder Abuse thrives as the Silent Monster in our homes that no one wants to talk about. One that is often referred to as the “Hidden Crime”, where what happens behind closed doors of a home is not socially acceptable to be discussed in public.
At best, it’s believed to be something best left to the family to sort out – a seemingly toxic environment where there are hostile shouting matches popping up between family members that no one wants to get involved with or can deal with – not the family and certainly, not First Responders, nor anyone else in the community.
But the harsh reality is that it is a crime that is artfully disguised by the perpetrators, our brothers, sons, daughters, nieces, etc. as sibling rivalry or a dysfunctional family. To the great satisfaction of the perpetrators, it’s just part of their strategy that perpetrators use to ward off anyone who gets too close to helping the elder. In the end, nasty things like family disputes are used to “cover-up” the crimes against the elders.
Because these incidences are being misread as family disputes, they are being dismissed, to the detriment of the elder. That’s the way perpetrators are able to keep this crime under everyone’s radar. Read more…
While this is happening, clues are being missed and the real truth is being artfully buried by the manipulators. Moreover, without realizing it, the wrong assumptions are being made and those in a position to help are unknowingly relying on the wrong kind of evidence or proof that a crime is being committed.
As such, “Elder Abuse” is really more convoluted than just being about yelling and beating up on a senior. Its a misnomer. It’s really about how this crime starts out as Emotional Abuse, a case of deceit and betrayal, and, given the opportunity, can escalate into much more serious levels of abuse involving so many others that are also taken advantage of and cunningly victimized.
Perception versus Reality
We can be our own worst enemies when it comes to giving an offender the opportunity to manipulate and drive a wedge between us and our loved one AND take control over things, bit by bit.
i.e. “She said she’s too busy to come to see you.”
i.e. “She’s not well today. She’s asked me to stay with her.”
Neither of this statements were truthful but both misled the listener into believing something else.
In both cases the offender managed to get what they wanted – they barred the person from seeing the elder – their mom/dad.
The offender, whether it be your brother or your mom’s/dad’s caregiver, knows how to manipulate situations and toy with people enough to create opportunities where they can get closer to the elder while they push everyone else away from the elder. It’s just a snowball effect that happens where just over a short period of time, these perpetrators move in on the elder very quickly.
There are always signs to tell you if something is not on the up and up. If you don’t know what to watch out for, it’ll only get worse for them as well as for you.
And that’s what Emotional Elder Abuse is all about.
Did you know…
Elder Abuse usually doesn’t just happen over night. Usually the offender has been actively undermining members of a family for quite some time – in some cases, for many years.
To manage situations involving Emotional Elder Abuse, it’s a matter of understanding how these offenders go about committing crimes against elders and their families. And in all cases, these offenders take over handling the elder’s affairs without any family members being aware of what is going on.
And if you compare enough cases, you’ll see that they all follow a particular pattern. In fact, there is a common thread throughout all cases: all perpetrators use the same strategy to commit these crime.
Author of “The Detrimental Effects of Emotional Abuse: How Emotional Abuse and Emotional Elder Abuse Destroys Us All”, Krumins is the foremost expert on Emotional Abuse and has over 15+ years field and case management experience of domestic violence situations involving Emotional Abuse and Emotional Elder Abuse. Read more…
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Two very typically, basically similar scenarios:
You’ve always taken care of your parent’s administrative and financial matters. Now they’ve retired. Lately, there has been pressure – constant pressure – coming from your mom/dad to give over all controls to a sibling that has NEVER been concerned with family life NOR have they EVER been concerned with the welfare of anyone in the family.
You are being told you can’t discuss it, not with them, nor with your sibling.
The sibling is not ever available – they refuse to meet with you. Even before you start talking to them they start attacking you hostilely – demanding you leave them alone. You’re being completely shut out. .
You’ve tried to appeal to your parents friends but they’ve been told not to get involved. They’re turning their back to you. You’re on your own.
Where the most common mistake is being made 100% of the time: No one is questioning what happened to the other family member that has always managed the affairs for the elder?
You trust everyone in your family – even one of your siblings who never seemed to like you.
Lately, you’ve been starting to suspect something or may just sense something is off, but you can’t tell what it is?
Your relationships with your siblings is changing. They seem to be distancing themselves from you – they seem to be shutting you out, excluding you from family events and discussions.
One sibling seems to be always by your elder’s side, but never saying a word to anyone but your elder – if you try to approach them, they back away from you and refuse to engage in any conversation.
When you try to appeal to your mom/dad, you have to do this in front of the other sibling – they’re never alone anymore. Instead of talking, your mom/dad start shouting and accusing you of wanting to start a fight – they order you to leave them and your sibling alone.
Common mistake being made 100% of the time: Without realizing it, everyone is being manipulated. The voice of truth is being buried with the isolated sibling, to the detriment of the elder. Perpetrators know how to move in on seniors without being noticed. They all operate using a particular strategy and the same bag of tricks.