When Later Life Changes the Picture

Later life can bring changes in health, independence, relationships, living arrangements and reliance upon others.

None of these changes, by themselves, tell us that abuse is occurring.

But they can change relationships and responsibilities. They can also make it more difficult to understand what is happening when something begins to feel wrong.

The older person must remain at the centre of the question.

A useful starting point is not:

Who is doing something wrong?

It is:

What has changed?

Has the older person’s behaviour changed?
Has someone else’s behaviour toward them changed?
Has their ability to make decisions or manage parts of their life changed?
Has their access to people, information, money or activities changed?
Has something that was once ordinary in the relationship become different?

A change may have many possible explanations.

The change tells us where to look—not what conclusion to reach.

As people become more dependent upon others, information can become increasingly important.

Family members, friends, caregivers, professionals and the older person may each know different parts of what is happening.

They may also describe the same situation differently.

What the older person says.
What someone else says happened.
What has actually been observed.
What records or other information may establish.

No single account should automatically determine how all the other information is understood.

Concern for an older person’s safety can sometimes lead other people to speak for them, make decisions around them, or interpret what they believe the older person needs.

Sometimes assistance is necessary.

But wherever possible, the older person’s own experience, wishes and understanding of what is happening should remain part of the picture.

Helping someone and taking over are not necessarily the same thing.

Understanding the difference requires context.

One event may raise concern.

A series of changes may tell us considerably more.

Look at what happened before.
Look at what changed.
Look at what happened next.

And where possible, compare what people say with information that can be independently established.

The purpose is not to prove a conclusion already reached.

It is to reconstruct what happened as accurately as possible.

Emotional Elder Abuse can involve complicated relationships, changing circumstances and incomplete or conflicting information.

That is precisely why beginning with a label can be dangerous.

Before asking:

Who is the abuser?

Ask:

What is happening to the older person?

That question keeps the investigation where it belongs—on understanding the situation before deciding what it means.

This evidence-focused approach to Emotional Elder Abuse is explored further in Behind Closed Doors.